i am shock.
appalled.
she apologized.
to me.
after 2 years. i am not sure whether she truely realised her mistake. but she apologised.
after hurting me so deeply. after causing so much pain and misery.
after crushing all my hopes.
after causing me to have low self esteem.
after causing me to lose my smile forever.
after causing me to lose trust in everyone around me.
after causing me to become a totally different person forever.
after causing me to give up on everything in life.
causing me tohave suicidal thoughts.
causing me to feel like i am alone forever.
causing me to have this extremely deep wound that i can never recover from for my whole life.
after all this,
she apologised.
the harm caused is caused.
nothing can change it.
the harm she caused is so painful that it will hurt forever. really forever. forever and ever.
and changed me totally into a different person.
someone who lost the ability to trust
trust herself, trust the people around her, trust the things and people in her life.
i hated her.
does it help?
i learn to let it go.
just when i thought that i finally let go, i finally changed back to my ownself,
she SMSed me. she apologised.
the wound hurt again.
all the scenes and pain came back.
i cried. yes i cried.
cried for being such a failure. a failure that still never let go of the pain.
i know i will never forget the pain. and all along, is sub conciously causing me to feel depress and have doubts on people around me. and feel inferior. alone.
she was the culprit.
but now she no longer is.
is all up to me to choose whether i should forgive her, stand up again as the strong and confident girl who can take everything in her hand and move on.
i can't move on as if nothing ever happens. but yes, i can move on and treat it as a lesson learn.
a life lesson that not anyone have the opportunity to go through.
is a choice now.
i pray everyday that i will forgive the people who sin against me just like how god forgive me when i sin.
but when it come to this, i failed my pledge for god.
i disappoint him again.
sorry god.
thank you denise.
thank you for your apologies.
thank you for helping me have faith in god. because of you, i turn to him.
thank you for helping me grow up.
although the wound will hurt for eternity,
i hereby pledge that from today onwards, i will stand up.
rise from my fall.
and become a stronger, more confident girl, someone who will no longer live in her own shadow.
her own ugly shadow from the past.
yes, i will stand.
i will learn to trust.
i will learn to forgive you.
i will learn to forget what you did to me.
i will...
