i strongly believe that at different points in life, you will find yourself feeling down and out. you just feel helpless, lonely, and wish so much that someone will comeby you and help you through. and you want that person to saty with you forever...
i guess stress is the main cause. people around me are getting emo. singapore is just too fast-paced. it just irks me to know that the moment you pause to take a break, you will be left behind. we are constantly running to catch up, catch up friends, with academic, with all the painful reality.
some people, like me, just ask for simple things. simple things that you want so much. i just ask for friends. friends that are true to me. friends that can truely understand me, friends that will stay with me forvever. and perhaps i was hurt too deeply by her, i am afraid the wound cant recover. people may think that i still hate her. but i dont. i forgave her, long ago. but i cant face her, or i should say, i cant face myself. i need time, time to stand up from the bad fall. time to let my wounds heal.
to her, what she did to me may not mean anything. she move on with her life. while because of her, i stop where i was. because i had a bad fall, i am afraid. afraid to stand and continue my journey. i look at the long journey ahead of me, i am frightened. i wish i can turn back time. i constantly look back at what i've went through, before i fall, and i just wish to stand there forever. between the past, and my future. i need someone. someone to comeby and walk the rest of my journey with me.
well, people who know what happen to me last year may understand my feelings. but if you dont, you will think that i am crazy. i know i got to be brave and move on, continueing my journey. but i cant. i am moving very slowy, a step at a time. praying that probably someone would catch up with me and walk the rest of the journey with me. but the more i stand where i am, upon seeing people passing by me, smiling and laughing, i felt helpless.
what is my problem. my gosh. maybe i've got high progestrone level. hahas. molly was in a good mood today. but during bio lesson, she started talking about confucianism and lots of rubbish. and began laughing to herself. oh gosh. :D:D but she is quite cute lar... and when taking the pulse rate, normal people is between 60-100 per minute. but diana's is super abnormal. over 100. and marie said is because jeanette beside her. so she
心跳加速. hahas:D (eh, diana, dont kill me hor)english was a disaster. my clique totally embarassed me lar... OH MY GOSH. I AM STILL BLUSHING WHEN I THINK ABOUT IT NOW. OH GOSH. and the scenerio was, i dindnt put on my belt when i moved to clarissa's table, so Nath said....Nath: weiting, are you trying to copy mrs cheung? (she is trying to say i am pregnant -.-)
*class roar with laughter*
me: ?! no!
cassandra: weiting! whose the father of the unborn baby??? who arh?
the rest of the clique: yahyah. who fathered the child???
cassandra/lorraine(cant remember who): izit xxxxxx???? omg. *laugh loudly*
rest of clique: of yah! is xxxxxxxx child!
Nath: *look at me*
class: *staring at me*
WALAO. SUPER EMBARASSING LAR. THEY CANT KEEP SECRETs. STUPID. AND THEY EVEN HELPED ME NAME MY CHILD. "THANKS" ALOT. (xxxxx identity will not be revealed)
home econs was hilarious. diana and i totally pissed lyida off. and i almost laugh till out of breath. hahas. :D lydia the red hulk with hearts:D:D:D
and yesterday was gastric day. had gastric right after recess till 11+ at night. almost died during LD. bile/ stomach juices was filing up my mouth and i almost puke. gosh. gastric sux.
looking forward to the week end ahead!!! :D but is gonna be super busy. shall post again tomorow:D this post is long.... :D
hey people! diana recommended this colorgenic test and is super accurate. after you do the test, you will freak out. and it exactly reflect me thoughts and situation. heres the link:
http://www.goldinuniverse.com/heres my report:You are setting yourself an illusory goal. Whatever it was that has made you so bitterly disappointed has left a nasty taste in your mouth and you feel that 'enough is enough'. You are sick of it all. Wouldn't it just be wonderful if you could retire to a desert island and turn your back on the past? But it's an illusion and you know it.
You are very self-sufficient and methodical. You presume to know where you are going but need to find a person who will recognise the way you are, not be too demanding and who is, as they say in Italy, 'Simpatico'.
At times all of us would like to be like the ostrich - to be able to bury our heads in the sand and let the rest of the world go by, but unfortunately you can't do just that - you have to face up to reality. A little peace and quiet would be most acceptable at this time but if only one could turn a blind eye to the problems of the day! Tomorrow is another day and who knows, it could be 'today' (not tomorrow) that could be the first day of the rest of your life!
Recent disappointment has led you to become truly introverted. You are becoming suspicious of everybody and consequently you now feel that you are unable to trust anybody. Unfortunately it would appear that you are curbing your natural enthusiasm and imaginative nature - perhaps this is because you are fearful that you may become over enthused and find that you could possibly be carried away by wishful thinking. You are keeping your distance to see whether attitudes towards you are sincere - but this watchfulness could easily develop into suspicion and distrust.
Perhaps in the distant past your trust and belief in your fellow man was misplaced and you can now no longer accept anything as it appears to be. You are untrusting and you insist that before you commit yourself to anything, you examine the pro's and con's with critical discrimination. The situation has now progressed to one where you are apt to disagree yet not make any form of constructive criticism to every suggestion that may be put to you. As a result you are in limbo. There is a saying that goes 'The past does not equal tomorrow'. Think about it - and let go.
